my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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