Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
