never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize