I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
