That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
