"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
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WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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