I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
