Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
