Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
