Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
