we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
