You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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