I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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