I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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