I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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