you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
