i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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