Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
