the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
