The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
