you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
