If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i think my cat just said my name.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
