please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
