yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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