Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
