I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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