I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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