Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
