You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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