he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
