I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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