I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
