I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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