why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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