saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
