I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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