I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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