Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
