he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
