Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
this hospital has no fireball
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
