Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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