i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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