FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize