Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
