Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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