I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
