They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
