Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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