pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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