I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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