you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You took a bar mat shot.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
