Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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