am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
