Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
