At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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