Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
