Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
