I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
