she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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