I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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