The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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