my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
