The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
