Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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