New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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