You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
