best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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