her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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