laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
