Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We don't watch enough power rangers
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
