my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
