i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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