What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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