only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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