grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
