I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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