I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
