Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i think i just lost a toe
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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