i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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