Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
